A study carried out in Dublin’s Trinity College suggests that people can longer expect to enjoy fifteen minutes of fame but will instead have to settle for a modest ten minutes due to a peak in world population growth in recent decades.
Professor Anne Miller, of Trinity College’s Sociology Department, unveiled the results last week during a seminar tackling the effects of popular culture on modern life. She stated that while the reduction in the time we can expect to be famous is mostly down to a burgeoning world population, it has also been influenced by the presence of “cardboard celebrities” like the Kardashians, the growing number of reality TV personalities and the sheer number of “douche bag DJs” who now fill up the celebrity pages.
“Obviously these numbers are all averages,” explained Professor Miller to Wunderground earlier. “So if you live in a place that is really densely populated you can probably expect to experience as little as five or six minutes fame, like an X Factor winner or a kiss and tell girl. Whereas if you live in a place less densely populated you could enjoy anything up to eleven or even twelve minutes, like the girl who sucked all the cocks in Magaluf or the screaming goat from Youtube,” she continued.
“The reduction of fame time is mostly down to the fact that we now have over seven billion people resident on the planet, a number which has staggeringly nearly doubled since the term “in the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes” was coined by Andy Worhol in 1968,” recounted the professor. “However our expected time in the limelight has also been vastly reduced by the number of celebrities who are having far more fame time than they deserve.”
“If we look at people like Calvin Harris or David Guetta it’s clear to see they’ve had far more than their fair portion of fame,” she said accusingly. “They both have the talent normally associated with a one hit wonder or a dog who can catch a ball really well, yet they’ve enjoyed continuous success, most likely taking time away from someone with real talents, like a kid who can make milk come out of his eyes or a man who can fart his national anthem.”
“If population growth continues increasing and we keep allowing these sub-par celebrities to eat up all of our time, there’ll be none left for the rest of us,” warned the professor, “and we’ll be left stuck with the god awful shower of cunts representing the celebrity world that we have today.”
