A london dealer has fooled nobody after claiming that his gear is so good that you’ll only need a tiny key of it to get you “proper buzzing”.
Despite not caring for the health or welfare of any of his customers, Kyle Simpson made sure to tell everyone he sold to to be extremely careful when taking any of his products, as taking too much could be seriously bad for their health.
Simpson, who sells a variety of snortables including cocaine and ketamin, is believed to be enjoying record sales since starting his latest marketing strategy, so much so that he now turns his phone off after eleven o’clock at night.
“Yeah I bought some wobble of that lad earlier,” claimed one anonymous patron.”He told me it was some sort of special ket that was designed to take down angry polar bears and that I should only take a tiny bit but cuz was chatting pure crap man, it’s just normal init. I took a little bit, then I took another little and another little bit before I got any sort of wobble off it.”
“I didn’t believe him to begin with but you can’t be too careful,” continued the source. “I heard there’s ket going round that was actually made for dinosaurs. It’s supposed to be really strong and way out of date so you’d have to be well cautious with that shit. You hear me blood?”
“I bought this wobble between me and a few of my crew to bring to a party later on,” revealed the enthusiastic drug user. “I’ll probably tell the rest of them they only need a tiny key to maximise the amount I get myself, they’ll probably figure it out for themselves quickly enough but fuck it, every little helps.”
According to experts nine out of ten times someone says “you’ll only need a tiny key of that” they are lying. This has led to many “enormous k holes” as nine out of ten people operate on a “sniff first think later” basis, which means that 90% of the 10% of the times when you actually only need a tiny key people end up taking “way too much”.
