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October 19, 2015
1 min read

DJ Sneak Running Out Of People To Block On Twitter

World renowned cry baby, DJ Sneak, is reportedly running out of people to block from his Twitter account.

Sneak, who currently has about 65% of the estimated three hundred and sixteen million active monthly users on Twitter blocked, has been at the center of yet another high profile Twitter beef, this time at loggerheads with the Martinez brothers.

According to experts, at his current rate of blocking, Sneak will have blocked everyone on the social media platform by the year 2019.

“There’s no way DJ Sneak can keep going with his current level of blocking,” explained Twitter expert Jimmy Noah-Maites. “He’s blocking in excess of two or three hundred people a day. Sometimes as little as saying “hi” is enough for this guy to block people. He’s a bit of a jerk but eventually he’ll realise that if he keeps being a dick, one day he’ll have no friends left.”

However, all may not be as it seems with Sneak’s Twitter page after Doctor’s in Florida’s St. Peter’s University Hospital noticed a number of symptoms associated with a rare medical condition called Assholeitus.

“About one in every two or three hundred million people suffer from Assholeitus,” claimed Dr. Ian Barnes. “George W. Bush had it, Mussolini had it and now it looks like DJ Sneak has it. Like George W. Bush and Mussolini, Sneak has an extremely high opinion of himself, which causes him to show disrespect and needless resent for other people.”

“This is a definite sign of Assholeitus,” continued the doctor. “Often with these cases the victims will be quite successful in the earlier part of their life but as they get older and the Assholitus take more of a hold on their bodies they inevitably turn into giant ass holes and people stop liking and respecting them. Again symptoms of this are quite apparent with DJ Sneak.”

“There are a number of treatments that have turned out to be quite successful in these scenarios,” explained the doctor. “The most effective one is a month long course of stop being an ass hole. DJ Sneak should definitely try this.”

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