Ibiza’s biggest day time venue, Ushuaïa, has confirmed that they will be selling water from the surface of Mars at the venue this summer.
The group’s brand manager, Jimmi Torres, claims that the importation of water from the surface of Mars will help propel the brand’s image into the stratosphere of VIP culture.
“We’ve been working on extracting water from the surface of Mars, purifying it and bottling it in elaborately designed 300ml bottles since it was discovered late last year,” explained Torres during a chat with Wunderground earlier. “We’ve managed to do it a price which will allow us to sell the finished product for a mere €300K per bottle. Making it the fifth most expensive drink on our menu.”
According to Torres, drinking water from the surface of Mars will make clubbers feel like they are in space, meaning they won’t have to go to their neighbouring club Space to gain that experience.
“Drinking this water has so many advantages,” continued Torres. “Not only will it make you feel far superior to anyone who isn’t drinking but you’ll know that the bottle is worth more than the majority of the people on the island’s home so you’ll really be able to notice how much more important and better you are than all the plebs surrounding you.”
“Thanks to some of the minerals that are found exclusively on the surface of Mars it’s also extremely refreshing and hydrating” claimed the Ushuaïa employee. “It’s so pure that if someone who earned less that €10 Million a year drank it they’d probably die, their poor genes and weak immune system simply wouldn’t be able to handle it and their body would shut down completely.”
Other new additions to Ushuaïa’s drinks menu this season include; a white Russian made with the breast milk of the endangered white rhino, a rare hierbas distilled using King Filipe’s piss and a DJ Sneak inspired cocktail that just sits there going flat and becoming insignificant before being washed down the sink.
