10 Best Excuses To Justify A Lads’ Holiday To Ibiza To Your Girlfriend

Every guy knows that there’s no better way to let off a bit of steam than going out and cutting loose with the lads. Usually, this just means a night out being blinded by lasers and booze or a day down the pub watching the football, but imagine how much steam you could let off if you fucked off to Ibiza for a few days. You might think this is impossible because there’s no way your girlfriend would ever agree to you going on a lad’s weekend to Ibiza – but that’s only because you’ve never thought of any of these genius excuses….

1. Your mate needs to go for a life saving operation

Tell your girlfriend that your mate is really sick and that he’ll die unless he goes to Ibiza for an operation. If she asks why you need to go with him, tell her that you’re donating an organ and you didn’t tell her because you didn’t want to worry her. But what about when I come back, full of organs? Simply make up a fake organ, she’ll never know because she’s not as smart as you. Not only will this get you to Ibiza but it’ll also make you look really kind and sensitive.

Stags shutterstock_60539638 — Anxiously waiting outside the hospital for news of the opperation.

2. Tracking down a long lost relative

If you’ve ever seen any soap opera in the world you’ll know that long lost relatives are quite a common occurrence and everyone knows that girls love soap operas. If you tell her you’ve traced your half brother Enrico to Ibiza she’ll have your bag packed and your flights booked before you can say “anyone got any ket?” Not only that but the fact that a real life soap opera plot has happened to you will bring you up a notch or two in her eyes and before you know it she’ll be looking at you like you’re Phil Mitchell or Kevin Webster.

booze — We’ve narrowed Enrico’s location down to the bottom of one of these bottles. Now which one is it?

3. Looking at possible wedding venues

Ibiza’s a beautiful island with lots of picturesque locations but you have to be very careful with this one, subtlety is key here. Tell her you’re helping a friend look at wedding venues but when she asks which friend be very, very vague. Create an air of mystery and she’ll automatically think you’re planning a dream wedding for her because girls love weddings and all rational thought goes out the window when they’re involved. Try adding to this by stopping and looking in jewelry shop windows and she’ll have you shipped of on the next flight.

No better way to scout some prime locations than a boat party. There’s a lovely little bay off in the distance.

4. Volunteering in a kitten sanctuary

Girls love kittens. Fact. Girls love helping. Fact. So if you’re a guy who helps kittens you’re practically a god (see: Coyu). To make sure that she doesn’t want to come and volunteer with you tell her you’re going to a sanctuary for kittens with irritable bowel syndrome, who shit all over their handlers all the time and she’ll run a mile. Girls hate kitten shit. Fact. She’ll still think you’re brilliant and the fact you’re willing to let a small fluffy animal shit on your hands so you can help it makes you look like a really great guy.

Rocco Giamatteo — Luch time at the kitten santuary. On the menu today we’ve got some lovely catamine.

5. Building a school for poor Spanish children

This is a lot like the kittens excuse but just in case you’re girlfriend is a mental who doesn’t love kittens or you’re allergic to animal hair, it’s always good to have this one in reserve. If she asks can she come to help tell her you’d love for her to come and that you’ve already been looking at flights for you both. Then continue to tell her how hard it’ll be to build a school in the Ibizan sunshine but how rewarding it will be to make such a big sacrifice for a child who probably won’t even appreciate it and she’ll soon lose interest. This will get you to Ibiza, but it’ll also make her see you as a really good father figure so this little white lie will actually strengthen your relationship.

ups — Finally UPS delivered the building blocks for the school. Lets get to work!

6. Representing England in a truth telling contest

This is quite possibly the best excuse for anything, ever. No one who has been selected to represent their country in a truth telling contest would lie about anything. Would they? Of course not. Surely only the most honest people in the country get selected for those competitions, is what she’ll think. This makes you look patriotic and honest and it’s guaranteed to get you to Ibiza no questions asked, well at least no questions that aren’t easily dealt with by a quick lie.

gurn — We’re into the quarter finals of the telling the truth world championships and the guy on the left says he isn’t feeling anything off those pills. We think he could be on his way home.

7. Bringing your mum to Pacha to see David Guetta

Your girlfriend obviously hates your mum and while she would like a little holiday she definitely wouldn’t be willing to be in competition with your mother for your attention for three or four days. She also knows you hate David Guetta so it’ll seem like you won’t even be enjoying yourself, which makes it a lot easier for her to be left behind. Again this excuse will make you look sensitive and caring, seeing you look after your mum will make your girlfriend think you’ll look after her just the same when she gets old and saggy.

granny-wedding-dance copy — Whose mum is this? I think I’ve pulled.

8. Confronting a childhood bully

This excuse will make you seem like a real man’s man, just make sure you make it clear that the only reason you got bullied as a kid was because the other guy was older than you and not because you were some kind of Mega-Drive addicted, snotty lipped twig. This will make you seem brave and willing to deal with problems, which should push you up the boyfriend ladder a fair bit. Tell her you’ve found the guy but he’s living in Ibiza and if you don’t get him now you never will. If she asks if you want her to come along for moral support, act emotional and in a broken voice tell her “you’ve got to deal with this one alone”. If you can fake a manfully suppressed tear at this moment she’ll be like putty in your hands, so maybe have some onions in your pockets, and not only will you get to go to Ibiza but you’ll also come home to a hero’s reception.

fight — I found the bully, we just sat down and talked things through. He’s actually a really nice guy.

9. You work for MI6

This is a really great excuse because it allows you to be secretive over and over again. Be very cagey when you tell her you’re going and when you tell her you’re an MI6 employee whisper it in her ear and pretend to make sure there’s no one watching you by elaborately looking over her shoulders. Tell her she can’t tell anyone and that normally when someone finds out you’re a spy you have to kill them. Not killing her will let her know that you really love her and she’ll also see you in a new mysterious and dangerous light. She’ll never question you again.

drunk — Every good spy need a nice tuxedo. I call this the Bond look.

10. You’re going to Scotland

This is guaranteed to work because there is absolutely no reason in the world why she would want to go to Scotland. Ever. But be careful, she also won’t want to be associated with someone who goes to Scotland so this one could backfire. This should only ever be used as a last resort but you’ll probably never need it because all the other excuses are super, super reliable.