A twelve year old boy in Upminster, England, has devised a “fool proof” plan to gain entry into Fabric, London, to see his favourite producer, Shadow Child, early next month.
David Stanley, a self proclaimed schoolyard legend, claims that by walking directly behind a grown up he will be able to trick event security into thinking that he is the artist Shadow Child, who is due to perform in the London club on 19 February.
“I’m definitely going to be the first boy in my class to go to a club,” claimed David earlier today. “In fairness, most of the other lads don’t even know what Fabric is, they probably think it’s what their pajamas are made of, but my big brother Andy’s a DJ and he was telling me all about it, he says all the best DJs play there so it should be brilliant.”
“I asked him if he’d bring me with him but he just said I was too young and told me to ‘fuck off out of [his] room’,” continued Stanley, who wants to be a footballer or a DJ or a footballing DJ when he grows up. “So I’ve come up with a perfect plan that’s sure to get me in by myself.”
“All I have to do is look for the most grown up person I can find going into the club, walk directly behind them and tell the security guards that I’m Shadow Child,” revealed Stanly with self-confidence beyond his years. “It’s the perfect crime. The security probably won’t even notice me, and if they do they’ll probably just think ‘is that a shadow or a child? Oh, it’s probably Shadow Child’ and leave me be. Andy always says bouncers are dumb when he doesn’t get into nightclubs so how hard can it be to fool them?”
“I’ll be straight into the VIP area mate,” he said with enthusiasm. “My friend in school told me that you can have all the free coke you want if you get into a VIP area, personally I prefer Pepsi or Fanta but if it’s free I won’t be complaining. That’ll show my brother, he loves coke, he’s always talking about it when he’s on the phone to his friends.”
