A 40 year old hipster was today given the frank and devastating news that wearing age inappropriate skinny jeans has “absolutely no effect on slowing the ageing process”.
Ben Grant, a graphic artist who firmly believes in the adage ’30 is the new 21′, was told by his doctor today that “in spite of his best efforts to turn back the clock using skinny jeans, trendy haircuts, revealing tattoos and jumping onto every young person trend around” it is impossible to slow down time.
“Skinny jeans are a young man’s game,” confirmed Dr. Albert Harrison. “No amount of skinny jean wearing attempts to stay on the cutting edge of youth culture and fashion will take away from the fact that Ben is probably half way through his life if he’s lucky and wearing skinny jeans is just a pathetic indictment of his fear of growing up.”
Dr. Harrison claims he made recommendations to Ben for the soon to be 36 year old to stop wearing age inappropriate clothing such as skinny jeans, fedoras and Converse sneakers if he wants to be taken seriously as a person and not give off the impression that he is a desperate ageing scenester who is also probably a paedophile.
“Clinging onto the last vestiges of youth by wearing clothes most people in their twenties are embarrassed by is not only mortifying but the tightness of the clothes could really hamper his reproductive organs,” continued Dr. Harrison. “Ben is better off eating well, getting plenty of rest and dressing and behaving like a normal 35 year old by getting big into wine, being mystified by youth culture, wheezing walking up stairs and making groaning sounds when bending over to pick something up.”
Ben was unavailable to elaborate on Dr. Harrison’s damning criticism of his dress sense but was reportedly unperturbed by the doctor’s orders and decided instead to take to Facebook to plan a trip to Burning Man next year to prove how “life begins at 40”.
