A dance music fan has undergone dramatic surgery so that he can look like his all time dance music hero – a Technics 1200 turntable.
27 year old Brian Simmons from California reportedly has been obsessed with the Technics 1200 turntable for years and spent thousands of dollars and over ten days total in surgery hacking his face until he looked like one.
“I’ve got posters on my wall of the 1200 in both black and grey, it’s just a piece of hardware I’ve always been massively in love with so to finally have the chance to look like one is a dream come true,” explained Brian who says that his fascination with the 1200 started when he first started getting into DJing in the early 00’s. “A lot of pieces of kit have come and gone but it’s remained a classic and it’s easy to see why, the sleek lines and unflashy, functional yet beautiful design make it stand the test of time.”
Brian, who carries a picture of a 1200 in his wallet with him at all times, has changed his middle name to Technics and insists on having every birthday cake made in the shape of a 1200, decided on getting the surgery after reading an article about “how happy some other weirdos became after having drastic surgery to look like some celebrity or other”.
“I had been saving up for a house but decided a better use of that cash would be to follow my ridiculous dream of transforming my head into a life sized replica of a turntable. I can always buy a house but spending thousands on grotesque surgery to look like a piece of equipment is a once in life time opportunity that I didn’t want to pass up,” gushed Brian who has spent over fifteen thousand dollars on surgeries which took place over the course of a year and a half.
“Initially people thought I was crazy but they’re warming to the idea now,” continued Brian. “Now people are really interested in it and want to play records with my face and do some scratching because it’s a fully functional turntable. I had speakers installed into my cheeks so as soon as I open my mouth it works just like a normal speaker.”
Brian claims his girlfriend Aimee “was amazingly supportive about the whole experience” and that their sex life has dramatically improved ever since he went under the knife.
“Who wouldn’t want to go out with a man who blew his life savings to transform his face into a piece of DJing equipment,” asked Brian. “If you ask me, nobody would pass up that opportunity. There’s nothing more sexually and aesthetically pleasing than the cold angular lines of a Technics 1200 turntable.”
The young turntable headed music fan is reportedly recording an album to cash in on his freaky face which is said to feature collaborations with Avicii, Conchita Wurst and that old dude who made himself look like Justin Bieber.
“It’ll be out sometime next year and is only being released on vinyl,” concluded Brian. “I’m hoping to use the proceeds from the album to make a new needle using one of my teeth. I’m happy with how I look now but wouldn’t discount the possibility of getting more work done down the road. Maybe I’ll make a Kaoss Pad out of my shoulder or upgrade my face to a Traktor S4.”