Now Reading
“People Who Like EDM Are Technically Retarded” Claims Study

“People Who Like EDM Are Technically Retarded” Claims Study

EDM fans retarded

Scientists in America have successfully isolated the gene believed to be responsible for people finding enjoyment in the current brand of US EDM, or electro house as it’s known everywhere else, and claim that it actually causes people to “be upwards of 70% dumber than normal people”.

After 18 months of research, which involved taking blood samples from people who identified as EDM fans, or Kandi Kids, the geneticists were able to locate a common strand of the human genome that they believe is responsible for instilling in humans a predisposition towards the coarse brand of electro-house.

“More people than ever are being affected by EDM,” explained lead scientist, Dr. Tim Jordan. “What we wanted to do with our research was to firstly determine if there was a genetic marker that suggested a predisposition towards EDM, and secondly, if we found a gene responsible, to study it and try to switch it on or off.”

Dr. Jordan said that the gene, called DeJ Mg2op 100, is said to be more prevalent in teenage girls, douchebags and people desperate to belong to a scene regardless of how vacuous and phony it is. According to Dr. Jordan, some of the symptoms of EDM can include, but are not limited to, “shuffling, wearing assorted colourful beads, making ‘heart hands’ and mistakenly thinking that you’re part of some genuine cultural phenomenon when in fact you are just a consumer of lowest common denominator thrash.”

“In most people who don’t have the DeJ Mg2op 100 gene, EDM or rather ‘electro-dub-house garbage,’ can still bring about symptoms ranging from mild annoyance to incredulity or even symptoms as extreme as disgust and anger,” added Dr. Jordan. “When EDM is played to people without the gene these feelings can manifest physically as grimacing, vomiting and punching oneself in one’s own face because ‘pain helps,’ but thankfully these symptoms can be lessened by simply turning off the Afrojack CD.”

“There have been reported cases of people chopping off their own ass cheeks with rusty saws so that they could then use the bloody lumps of severed flesh as makeshift earmuffs with which to block out the sound of the EDM,” recounted Dr. Jordan. “But thankfully reports of that extreme have diminished since Swedish House Mafia retired.”

See Also

“With the insights that our research has yielded we’ve already been able to develop antidotes to EDM,” he continued. “In most cases of people who suffer from EDM can counteract the effects of the mutant gene simple by aurally ingesting 120 bpm of quality house music.”

“In some extreme cases we’ve even gone so far as to prescribe 160 bpm of techno administered every weekend between the hours of 8pm Friday to 6am Monday until the EDM sufferer ‘wises up'” concluded Dr. Jordan.

View Comments (42)
  • This article is SHIT. What a pile of rubbish. You must have got your data from your own arsehole

  • your are retarded and probably listen to EDM. Wunderground is a
    satirical site idiot. go look up the word satire and ask someone to
    explain it for you, moron.

    bunch of hipsteridiots

    • That’s funny since I believe you mean “you’re retarded” not “your are retarded”

      • i’m not lazy like those EDM fuck ups who don’t take the time to do anything right.

        you are is correct and the same as you’re. so fuck off tanna and go eat some cake with ShitSteve Aoki.

        don’t(or do not) tell me this EDMshit can beat the dance music of the nineties and i don’t mean captain jack.

        ever heared of the sound of belgium. listen and wheep when you realize your musical life is as hollow as your skull

        have a nice day all

        • Hey captain bad ass, you may want to go back and read your original post before you make an even bigger dickhole of yourself commenting on this reply. I HOPE “YOUR ARE” HAVING A BETTER DAY TODAY

          • oh my god(or allah) i made a type error . does this mean i’ll be shot??!?

            btw i speak dutch, english, french, german and a bit of amazighen

            welke talen spreek jij mijn beste vriend?

            en ja ik heb een prachtige dag vandaag ronny , are you shitbrain?

            go join the marines and die please in an unneccesary war for rich people you don’t knwo an who don’t give a shit about you or your family 😉

            oh no i just made another typfout

          • Trek je zwartepete kostuum en houd je lippen strak rond Geert Wilders’ staaf, vriend.

          • vriend? ik kies mijn vrienden zelf . steekt ou maar weg achter een fotoken lafaord, das tverstandigst wat wie weet dage ies opeen dagtegenkomt. die edm lovers zijn precies ammel janetten want ze kunnen er nie overzwijgen haha!!!!

  • Don’t get your panties in a bunch people, its one dude’s opinion. Who is weirdly enough trying to take a specific type of EDM, house, out of the generalization of EDM, and then hate on the whole genre o.O I just wound up confused and beating things with sticks and rocks after reading this :/

  • The worst part was when people started calling it “EDM” like the type of music hadnt been around for at least a decade prior to this.

    • well… only americans call it “EDM” so i really don’t care haha… EDM is a word that stands for nothing.

      • Any time Wunderground uses the term EDM they’re not using it as a catch all term for all types of dance music but for the commercial, electro-house pop shite that Guetta, SWM, Calvin Harris et all put out! All other dance music is called by its proper names, techno, house, dnb. No-one in the European or US underground dance music scene would ever refer to dance music as EDM, it’s a term coined by journalists to popularise commercial shite music to a new undiscerning US audience of kids.

      • EDM is a genre in itself, separate from house, techno, acid, etc, etc, EDM is an American phenomenon, pop music thinly veiled behind over-melodic saw waves at 120+bpm, in other words…fucking garbage.

    • they think throwing cakes and puttign you hands up is djing. the music if you can call it that sounds the same.

      but there are still enough good producers around that make us happy so i ‘m positive for the future.

      het kaf moet van het koren gescheiden worden

  • I was just glad they came up with a name of their own…EDM and stopped calling it HOUSE music. Those who love HOUSE music should make a concerted effort to take back our genre and stop calling HOuSE EDM. lol

    • ‘EDM’ has been the technical term since its genesis. I don’t understand why it was ever called ‘house’ to begin with.

    • Here here.

      it would be much worse if they tried to call it house indeed.

      again ,this is a satirical magazine but EDM still is Echt Domme Muziek

    • my friend did a research paper on it, and studies have shown that country music causes higher rates of depression. Not sure how conclusive studies were.

    • I’m gay, but I don’t even like it, sooo… no, It’s straight

  • “Just as rock, jazz and other musical genres have their own set of sub-genres, so too does electronic dance music. Continuing to evolve over the past 30 years dance music has splintered off into numerous sub-genres often defined by their varying tempo (BPM), rhythm, instrumentation used and time period. The broadest categories include house,techno, trance, hardstyle, UK garage, drum & bass, dubstep and hardcore.”


  • I do not approve of the use of the word “thrash”. I hope this was a typo of the word “trash”, and expect a full retraction of statement and apology by the author.

    • blablablaa blablabla

      btw slayer is very stupid music for very stupid people

      kinda like EDM 🙂

      love you all 🙂

  • well.. the full form of EDM states Electronic Dance Music.

    I’m not much of a fan but I guess House is a part of EDM and so is techno, trance and psychadelic.

    the research is bull crap and American scientists have nothing new to do than to do such researches. Its funny why you guys are fighting here between EDM and house. its music in the end and its always good.

    Other than that, its a personal choice.. I like from psychadelic rock to psytrance.. and trust me people who listen to psytrance are much crazy and insane that any other genre of music. and none of us is dumb. not because of music at least.


  • I find it funny all of you are arguing over something so pointless its also shame intellectual people who listen to “EDM” get grouped in with fucking morons who debate this shit. just listen to your music and shut the fuck up. I don’t give a fuck what other people like or don’t like. dammit

  • They also missed out the small-brained gorillas who like zyzz and scrawl his stupid name all over youtube. god, just shut the fuck up alr

  • …………./´¯/)……….. (¯`
    …………/….//……….. …….
    ………../….//………… ……..
    …../´¯/…./´¯………../¯ `….¯`
    .././…/…./…./.|_……_| ……………
    (.(….(….(…./.)..)..(..(. ….)….)….).)
    ……………../…/….. ../……………./
    ………………. /……………………../
    ………………(………. ..)……………./
    ………………………. ../…………./

  • This is internet bullying at it’s best. Congrats on making little kids think they are retarded for liking a certain genre of music. I’m a dubstep artist and my artist name is Futuristic Realness. After reading things like this, it makes me laugh cause they have no REAL proof. In fact what is Dr. Jordan a doctor of? What’s his credentials? I personally find this study as a joke. NO music makes a person dumber. Music brings happiness. IGNORANT PEOPLE LIKE DR. JORDAN ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE MENTAL ISSUES OBVIOUSLY.

© 2021 Empty Warehouse Ltd
All Rights Reserved.

Scroll To Top