Annie Oaks, of Terrence on Trent, Derbyshire, is set to change her name by deed poll this week, due to the problems caused by its similarity to the phrase “Any Yokes?” Many Clubbers may recognize “yokes” as a synonym for ecstasy. “Too many” according to Annie, during a heartfelt outburst at a press conference today.
One of Annie’s former detractors was there to illustrate her plight. “I first met Annie at a house party. It was a great session, everyone in the house was just a jaw and a pair of pupils, you know them nights?” he sighed nostalgically. “Everyone was getting along like a roof on fire, but about six in the AM some of the boys realised that we were out of yokes, so we went on a pill-grimmage around the house. This is when I first met Annie.”
It was at this point in the press conference that Annie dropped her head and became visibly upset. He went on to report the conversation that followed, “I went up to her and said ‘any yokes?’ to which she replied ‘yes’. I stood there looking at her, waiting for her to do something. She didn’t. I didn’t know what she was at. It was weird.”
“Meanwhile, she was standing there staring at me, waiting on me to do something too. I thought she might be waiting for money up front or something, so I got a fifty out of my pocket and handed it to her. She took it, looked confused, and put it in her pocket. She then looked back at me and the awkward silence continued for another minute or two. I stood there, waiting for something to happen.”
“When nothing continued to happen, I repeated ‘any yokes?’, and of course, she nodded her head firmly and said ‘yes’ again,” he explained. “At that point I gave up and fucked off back to my mates to tell them that some strange conniving girl had just scammed me of the fifty clams they’d given me. A bit of a ruckus ensued before Annie’s mate explained that her name was actually ‘Annie Oaks’. We figuratively pissed ourselves laughing.”
“Actually, I was so busy laughing I forgot to get the fifty back from her…bollocks.”
Annie then described how gradually she had alienated everyone at the party that night all because of the unfortunate likeness her name bears to the common slang for ecstasy. “Everyone was coming up to me saying, ‘Annie Oaks?’, I thought everyone knew me somehow. You see, I’ve had minor success in a singing competition in our local pub, and I thought they knew me from that. I was waiting on them to say something about it. But they never did. They’d just say ‘any yokes’ in my face while laughing and then get fed up and rejoin their friends.”
Annie Oaks has said she will change her name to “Annie Bangers” this week in preparation for the weekend.
“That should sort out any confusion,” she said.
