Canadian trance producer Max Graham has been admitted to hospital after being attacked by angry trance fans during a set in which he played a techno track.
“I’m mostly known for producing trance tracks, but I like to vary my sets to keep it interesting,” explained a bed-ridden and traumatised Max. “Playing one genre night after night, year after year, can become soul destroying and stifling. A bit like eating ice cream for every meal, or making love to the same woman for the rest of your life. Enjoyable for the first few times, but ultimately unfulfilling and tedious.”
“Anyway, on the night in question,” continued Max, pictured holding back tears while bravely remembering the assault, “I was just getting into the swing of the set, moving from a mostly prog-house/trance vibe into techno for the last third. I mixed out from the John Askew Shine into an Alex Di Stefano remix of Balthazar & Jackrock when out of nowhere some bunched up underpants hit me square in the face.”
“Now I’ve had people throwing underpants at me on stage in the past,” added Max, “but they typically belonged to women, and weren’t smeared in runny human faeces.”
Witnesses claim that at that point in the set a group of large topless trance fans made their way behind the DJ booth where they physically and emotionally assaulted Mr. Graham, before taking to the decks themselves to play “as many trance remixes of Adagio For Strings as they could”, which was estimated to have lasted “roughly 6 hours”.
It is believed that after the initial assault behind the DJ booth, where Mr. Graham was punched and kicked repeatedly, he was made to “eat the smashed shards of a first imprint vinyl of Agnelli & Nelson – El Nino“, before being detained by the trance fans and forced to dance and whistle enthusiastically for every breakdown until he collapsed weeping soundlessly with exhausation.
“I’ve got broken ribs and bruises all over from the assault,” claimed Mr. Graham, “Plus the four hours of constant whistling and having to eat vinyl have made it hard to swallow anything but soft ice cream for every meal.”
“The worst part wasn’t having to eat the vinyl,” wept Max, “but having to pass it later that night.”
Mr. Graham concluded by saying that while he has no plans to alter his style of playing he does plan to warn Tiësto to be careful “if he tries to get away with that Deep House shit to his hardcore fans, cause if what happened to me is anything to go by, he won’t make it out alive”.
Those responsible for the assault were apprehended by police and are expected to stand trial sometime in the coming months, although they appear
unrepentant. “Max Graham has some fucking nerve,” claimed one fan, “he’ a trance producer, so what is he doing playing techno?? That’s false advertising.”
“No, I don’t think assaulting him was taking it too far,” chimed another. “I think next time he does it they should kill and possibly sexually assault him. I’m not overreacting, I just think DJs should stick to what they’re known for. I don’t go clubbing to be surprised or challenged by the DJ, I want my trance and if the DJ isn’t going to play it then he deserves what Max Graham got.”
“You can’t like both trance and techno,” continued the same fan, spittle leaving his mouth. “They’re diametrically opposed sides of the same dance music coin. Saying you like both is like saying that you like both Coke and Pepsi, PC or Mac, men and women. Just do like you do with your kids, pick one to like the most and stop being a pussy.”
