The music industry was today in shock after news emerged that electronic music producer Moby was the victim of a savage stomping by rapper Obie Trice.
Trice, best know for looking younger than he actually is and his love for red meat, is said to have gone into fits of rage after being offered a “tasty” vegan snack by Moby at a charity event in New York yesterday evening.
Eye witness, Michael Winston, gave an account of the assault, “It was really horrible, one minute everything was fine and the next the bald guy was on the ground getting stomped on by the young black guy. I don’t know what happened or how it started, but I haven’t seen a stomping like that since the last time I watched Menace II Society.”
The news has also caused a reaction amongst a small group of rapping Christians known as the East Milwaukee Baptist Crew, who claim that the stomping was prophecised by Eminem in his 2002 hit Without Me. Preacher MC Holy Ghostface Killer explained the claim, “If you listen to the lyrics you can clearly hear that he says Moby you can get stomped by Obie.”
“He also goes on to say that nobody listens to techno. Now I’m no expert in EDM, but I’m pretty sure the crap that the kids are listening to nowadays certainly isn’t techno. That’s two prophecies from one song that have both come true,” explained the preacher.
“We’re not saying that Eminem is a reincarnation of God or a prophet sent here by Jesus to teach us the Lord’s will,” continued Holy Ghost Face Killer. “But think about it, Jesus was from the Middle East and he’s white and Eminem is a rapper and he’s white so it seems like there’s every chance that he is at least a messenger from heaven.”
Eminem has yet to comment on the matter but it is predicted he will say ‘Fuck you motherfucker!’ and flip the bird.
Meanwhile the East Milwaukee Baptist Crew are waiting to see whether or not any other lyrics from the outspoken rapper’s songs will come to fruition, with estranged wife Kim dying and somebody sucking his dick, seen as the most likely events to come to pass.
