A man who has given up his habit of smoking five cigarettes a day in favour of “vaping” on an electronic cigarette almost constantly, is reportedly enjoying feeling a sense of smug superiority over regular smokers.
“I used to be very mildly addicted to ‘bad’ nicotine,” explained self described ‘vapist’, Colin. “But now, thanks to e-cigarettes, I’m only vaping ‘good’ nicotine every 2 to 3 minutes.”
Colin claims that since he’s started using the e-cigarette he’s enjoyed “becoming one of those people who act superior and pedantic to former smokers” and equated the feeling to being “akin to how starving and unfulfilled vegetarians with food issues talk down” to people who eat regular diets.
“Regular smokes just disgust me now that I’m not one of them, their clothes and hair stink of tobacco, “continued Colin, who says that he has taken it upon himself to try to “shame” his smoker friends into taking up e-smoking. “I’ll try to encourage them to kick the habit by saying things like ‘oh enjoy having your smoke outside in the cold, or ‘you’re going to die horribly of lung cancer and I’m not.'”
“I look at the mildly unhealthy yet happy smoker I used to be,” explained Colin, interrupting his train of thought to have a fifteen puff in one minute from his top of the line e-cig, “and I just shake my head in disappointment at how if I had of kept that disgusting habit up I might have cut short my life by five to ten years.”
“I’m just so happy that I’ve swapped one horrible addiction for another, slightly more socially acceptable, horrible addiction,” concluded Colin while displaying how his e-cig has no ash and is easily refillable with as yet non-medically sanctioned nicotine juice.
“Quitting smoking cigarettes has given me plenty more time to enjoy the finer things in life such as – coughing slightly less when I run, looking down on cigarette addicts, espousing on how I carry a spare charger for my e-cigarette and, let’s not forget, boasting about the extra decade of sweet life I’ll enjoy with my mouth wrapped around an electronic cigarette for almost every waking moment.”
