Woman Who Took MDMA While Pregnant Gives Birth To DJ

A young British woman has given birth to a DJ after taking illegal club drug ecstasy while heavily pregnant.

“I thought a dab would be fine as it’s only going into your gums and the baby takes food from your stomach, not your gums,” explained 24 year old mother of one DJ, Claire Peters. “Plus, it was really good mandy and it was during an Altern-8 set so you’re not going to not take something.”

Claire claims that there were noticeable side effects from exposing the unborn child to MDMA almost immediately. “When we went into the hospital for a regular checkup at 8 months I noticed he started kicking quite a lot,” recounted Claire. “I thought he was panicked, but I soon noticed that the kicking was strangely rhythmic. As it turned out he was kicking in 4/4 to the bleeping sounds of the hospital machinery.”

“It was actually a pretty sweet track,” she beamed.

“We knew he was a DJ from the moment he was born,” explained Claire. “During the labour there were some complications that the umbilical cord might have become wrapped around his neck, but when he popped out we could see that he’d fashioned the cord into a set a of working headphones and was nodding his head while miming moving knobs.”

“He took his first breath, put his head back down and continued concentrating on his what he was doing, just like a real DJ,” she added.

Claire insists that she didn’t realise the MDMA would cause her son to be born a DJ, but says in spite of his disability that she loves him for who he is.

“I mean sure, he’s not like the other children,” asserted Claire. “He’ll never be a chartered accountant or have weekends off, but he’ll probably be famous for a bit.”

“Thankfully most of the symptoms of being a DJ won’t manifest until he’s older, when he’ll probably become a bit cocky, obsess over electronic equipment and have tinnitus,” added Claire.

Claire concluded by saying that she’d do everything she could to support her son’s prodigious DJing abilities claiming that at 8 months old “he was already beatmatching”, that his first word was ‘mix’ and that there has been label interest from Spinnin’ Records who think that he’ll be the perfect replacement for when Martin Garrix loses his baby-faced appeal.