All Trance Songs Are Actually Sang By The Same Middle Aged Nun

It has been sensationally, but unsurprisingly, revealed that the vocals on every single trance track ever made have all secretly been sung by the same woman.

“Every trance track which features the emotive vocals of a female sounding like she’s on the verge of either a sexual or spiritual orgasm has been sung by me,” admitted the 49 year old nun who for the purposes of protecting her identity we are calling Sheila Z. “Obviously though because of my holy vows I couldn’t publicly announce my involvement in, what is still considered in religious circles ‘devil’s music’, in spite of its transcendental nature.”

Sheila claims that she was first approached by a popular trance music pioneer nearly 25 years ago to provide vocals for a track after that producer heard her sing during an exceptionally inspiring mass. “He was a very nice young man at the time, if a little strangely dressed with a manic stare,” explained Sheila. “I love to sing so I agreed to do it under the condition that it remain secret.”

“After the first one became such a hit more and more producers approached me to sing on their tracks,” continued the devout nun. “It was such a million miles away from my boring spiritual life that I agreed and since then I’ve sung vocals for every single trance track ever made.”

Aware that if her singing trance songs became public she would be defrocked, Sheila agreed to let a host of other women take the limelight for her singing to maintain the illusion that different singers were performing the vocals for trance tracks.

“Sarah McLachlan, Katy B, Justine Suissa,” listed Sheila. “They’ve never sung a note in their life. They’ve just been brought in because they look pretty, are good at miming and to help disguise the fact that every trance vocal is essentially the same.”

The emergence of these revelations have rocked the trance world with some claiming it’s trance music’s darkest secret, ranking alongside Tiesto’s inability to whistle and Paul Van Dyke’s collection of Russian dolls made in the shape of Bette Midler.

“If you listen closely to any trance track ever made you’ll see the evidence staring you in the face via the ears,” added Sheila. “They all sound indistinguishable from one another because it’s the same woman singing every time, and that woman is me.”