A patriotic Dublin drug dealer has claimed that he stands to make a small fortune by selling “a fair few” green ecstasy tablets on St. Patrick’s Day.
Small time dealer and full time mad bastard, Stephen ‘Whacker’ Mooney, is said to have been holding onto the pills for some time in anticipation of a very busy and profitable public holiday. “I got a fair few of these green pills there a while ago and to be honest with you they aren’t really that good”
“If you do two they’re grand, but I wasn’t bothered having to deal with saps asking for their money back so I just thought ‘Fuck it I’ll keep them for Paddy’s and make a bleedin fortune!’. So I stuck them in the back of the wardrobe until now,” explained Mr. Mooney. “They’ll practically sell themselves and the beauty of it is all the little dopes will be too drunk to even notice that they’re not the best.”
“I haven’t got a clue what the logo is,” claimed the twenty seven year old social welfare recipient. “I was going to paint little white stripes on them and call them Celtics or Henrik Larssons, because the boys down the flats would go mad for them, but I don’t have any non-toxic white paint, a paintbrush fine enough to paint them or the patience to do it so I’ll have to think of something else to call them.”.
“They have some weird looking green squiggle on them so I’ll just tell people they’re shamrocks or leprechauns or something mad Irishy like that, the tourists in Temple Bar go crazy for all that shite!” he knowingly continued.
“If all goes well I’ll be home with a nice wedge in my pocket by ten o’clock.” predicted Whacker. “I’ve already made a few quid this week selling “Cheltenham” ketamine down the pub so I should be able to get a nice big shipment in for the summer festivals and take my operation to the next level.”
“If anyone’s looking for pills in Dublin tomorrow I’ll be in Temple Bar from about three o’clock. I’ll be wearing a big green hat so I should be easy enough to spot. Tenner a pop or three for thirty, you won’t get better than that in town on Paddy’s day.”
