In what is seen as the emptiest St. Patrick’s Day gesture since McDonalds introduced the Shamrock Shake in 1970, Green Velvet had audaciously claimed to have dyed his hair green in celebration of Ireland’s patron saint.
The Chicago native made the claims while drunkenly chatting up an Irish woman in a Boston bar on Saturday night, “Yeah I said I dyed my hair green for St. Patrick’s Day. So What? I was chasing some fine Irish tail and I’ll say just about anything to get me some pussy.”
“One time last year I told some chick in a bar that I was Wesley Snipes and that I’d just broke out of prison and needed a place to hide out,” recounted the stalwart of electronic music. “She believed me and agreed to let me lie low at her place. Needless to say she was laying on the world’s finest velvet that night.”
“Anyway this Irish girl hadn’t got a clue who I was and had no idea that I’m one of only one person in the world to have naturally green hair. I like to go after chicks who don’t know who I am sometimes, you know just to prove that the old dog’s still got it,” claimed Velvet, who turns forty seven later this year, “and I do still got. I got it in droves. I’m getting more action than the Ukrainian riot police mutherfucker!”
Michelle Curran, the Irish lady in question, had this to say on the incident, “The ex-basketball player, Nobel Prize winning, astronaut with green hair was lovely so he was!”
“I was very impressed that he had dyed his hair green for St. Patrick’s day, it shows that he’s very sensitive to Irish culture,” she suggested. “I thought I’d also embrace the St. Patrick’s Day spirit so I got steaming drunk and had unprotected sex with him, sure isn’t it only Paddy’s day once a year!”
