A young teenage girl this morning revolutionised the way the world takes photographs when she sensationally took a photograph that wasn’t of herself.
Stacy Cormack, who says she has been taking selfies “ever since she can remember”, claims it was entirely accidental when she turned the camera from herself to the outside world, but plaudits have continued to come in from world leaders and social commentators who have compared it to the Copernican revolution of modern physics.
“Usually I might take one in the mirror of my grotty bedroom with my bum out while pouting or in a bathroom mirror while getting ready,” explained Stacy, seen her taking a selfie of herself in a kooky t-shirt to express her free spirit. “But for some reason this morning I decided to take a photo of an especially delicious looking plate of scrambled eggs that my Mum had made.
Stacy claims that after photographing herself about to eat breakfast that she accidentally missed her face and got the wall behind her instead, at which point “something just clicked”and she began to wonder what other things she could take photos of “like cool clothes, flowers and the rainbows”.
“I just started photographing everyone and everything I could,” continued an enthusiastic Stacy. “I took a photo of my 12 year old brother and he almost fainted when he saw a photo of himself that wasn’t taken by him with a phone at arm’s length.”
Some of Stacy’s groundbreaking photos have included more of her food, one of the sky reflected against a window pane and another of her mother hiding her face from the camera that Time magazine are calling “the single most important image of the 21st century”, which they say leaves the famed Earthrise photo from the Apollo moon missions looking like “a yarmulke floating in a pool of black shit” which even then is still “ruined by Buzz Aldrin’s smiling face in the bottom corner”.
People are comparing Stacy’s discovery to the time when Parisian audiences reacted with fright and astonishment after they were shown the first example of moving image which featured a train coming directly towards the screen causing some members of the audience to run screaming from the auditorium and piss themselves.
“It’s an absolute game changer,” confided President Barack Obama after receiving the news before intimating that aerial photography taken from drone aircraft would be quick to utilize the technology, after admitting that one quarter of the intelligence received from spy photos is lost due to the drone’s arm and face taking up the bottom corner of the photos. “I’ll be putting her name forward to the Nobel committee immediately and awarding her the Presidential Medal of Freedom.”
“My favourite mediums to work in are usually phone or webcam,” concluded Stacy, “but now that I’ve innovated the art of photography I’m going to try and develop some kind of picture taking device that isn’t merely a secondary function for another device. A sort of standalone camera thingy which I know sounds crazy, but I really think that in ten to fifteens years we can probably have a sort of camera camera that exists by itself.”
The applications for Stacy’s remarkable contribution to humanity are seen as endless and will free up photographers and people everywhere to finally be able to take a photograph that doesn’t contain either “someone pouting in a childish grasp at sexiness or a grinning idiot”.
