Notorious bad man, George Zimmerman, last night was said to have “absolutely killed it” when he entertained the crowd at a local residential association meeting by playing a five hour DJ set using nothing but a wad of cash and a broken iPad.
Zimmerman’s set was the highlight of an evening’s entertainment at the Communities United in National Trust or CUNT’s annual general meeting, where community leaders from all over America come together to discuss ways to make neighbourhoods a safer place to live.
Charlie Barker, an eyewitness to Zimmerman’s DJ set, had this to say, “George really acquitted himself well when he got up on the stage and played his set. He’s a really important member of our organisation and truly is the epitome of CUNT.”
“His iPad was broken so it was stuck on the same song for the whole night,” he continued, “but George is the kind of guy who shoots from the hip so he didn’t let a little thing like a broken iPad stop him.”
George’s planned set, which he says was to feature such tracks as the recent David Guetta & Skylar Grey collaboration Bang Bang (Shot Me Down) and Crippling Blow by The Killers, was never heard but instead the crowd was treated to a masterclass in audience manipulation by the master.
“I think he ended up playing one song, on repeat. It was some sort of 1950’s deep south folk music, but it was all about the way he played it,” recounted Mr. Barker. “He was flashing this wad of cash and using the volume controls to turn it up and down and make it sound different every time.”
“He really had a great stage presence too. He’s just like one of those EDM DJs that all the kids are listening to these days,” he claimed. “George is a new member in our organisation, but once you meet him you can tell that he’s a real CUNT type of person. He’s probably the most committed CUNT we have in America, possibly the world.”
Zimmerman had this to say, “That was probably the most bizarre thing I’ve experienced in my life. I literally got up on stage and played the same song for five hours, the crowd were a little apprehensive at first so I decided to improvise by using anything I could find in my pockets.”
“All I had was a wad of cash so I pulled it out and started to wave it around in the air,” he explained. “As soon as I did it the crowd started to go crazy, I’m still not really sure how I pulled it off but I guess in America you can get away with just about anything if you’ve got some money.”
