A young clubber on a train ride home from a night of heavy partying has expressed his explicit belief that the mechanical sounds of the motion of the train “is making the noise of a song”.
Alan Campbell, who had been returning from a night of clubbing on the morning train, says that his phone had run out of battery meaning he couldn’t listen to music like he normally would, but rather than become “an edgy music-less wreck” for the duration of the journey he was treated to what he has described as “a mechanical symphony to rival The Bell Laboratory made by the very sound of the train itself”.
“At first I thought I was going a bit crazy,” claimed Alan. “I had taken some disco supplements that night so was a bit fried and it was entirely possible that I was hallucinating music in my head.”
Alan claims that the track sounded “sort of like a more industrial Younger Brother” with “gurgling metal synth melodies keeping in perfect time with the rolling thud of the train”.
“At one point we came through a tunnel and the entire tone of the track changed, it got somehow deeper and darker,” continued Alan. “And then when we came out into the light there was an enormous screeching followed by some random announcement over the on-board address system that sounded fucking ace.”
“I wish I could have recorded it,” he added, “but unfortunately it was just a random collection of train sounds that the drugs in my head were making into a track and so therefore, unrecordable.”
“It’s just a shame that no-one else on the train heard it or recognised the beautiful poly-rhythmic patterns of the train chugging along in,” continued Alan. “Even in spite of my repeated badgering of other passengers and repeated questioning of whether they could hear it or not.”
“I barely stopped myself from dancing,” concluded Alan. “Although I did close my eyes and bob my head as I let the sound of the train wash over me like steel industrial ear muffs emitting the sound of hammer and tongs techno.”
“When I opened my eyes I realised I’d missed my stop, but I didn’t mind that much. I had the train music to amuse me.”
