Pharrell Williams Threatens To Kill Fans For Approaching Him In The Street

Pharrell Williams has today shocked his fans by threatening to kill the next person to ask him if he is happy.

The N.E.R.D. band member is said to be “the fucking opposite of happy” with the amount of people questioning his humour after the success of his recent single Happy and claims that he will “murder” the next person to make a reference to the song.

Williams, who has only ever been photographed smiling twice, vented his anger earlier today, “People need to stop coming up to me and asking if I’m happy, it’s not cool for so many reasons.”

“I’m kind of a big deal and generally speaking I am pretty happy but one thing that’s sure to make me unhappy is random people asking me questions in the street,” explained Williams. “You can call yourself fans or whatever you like but if I don’t know you you’re a nobody so next time any of you see me in the street and think ‘I’ll ask him if he’s happy’ please pause for a moment, think and then fuck off.”

“It’s just a dumb song, it wasn’t made to make people think or evoke feelings of joy. It was made to line my pockets with as many of your dollars as possible and the sooner people realise that the better,” he resolutely continued. “Honestly being a music artist would be the best job in the world if it wasn’t for all of the god damn fans.”

“I didn’t even write the song, it was written by the bipolar midget I keep in my basement for my own amusement,” he revealed, “so depending on the day he wrote it it could just have easily been called ‘Sad’ or ‘Super Excited’ or anything. It’s just words and people are taking them far too literally.”

Unconfirmed reports suggest that Williams is considering “moving to Canada to join the Mounties” in an attempt to escape the constant badgering from his fans.