A lump of human shit has been widely touted as “the next Calvin Harris” by EDM blogs and commentators.
The lump of shit, reported to be 6-feet tall, man-shaped and formed from the excreted effluent of Ultra festival attendees, has been making waves in toilets and nightclubs across the US with its “DJing abilities, fashion sense and niche-factor marketability”.
“No one, except for Piers Morgan’s publicist, has ever successfully marketed a giant human turd,” claimed one commentator who feels that EDM fans will fall over themselves to worship the sentient lump of human arse-sewage. “The EDM community has a lot of pieces of utter shit who find massive success, but none of them are actual, real-life, conscious lumps of shit.”
“That’s a unique selling point,” added the source. “Like always wearing shades and shaving one side of your head or throwing cakes at your audience.”
“It’s about 6 feet tall, shiny and brown, just like Calvin Harris,” gushed another source who insists that the lump of shit, who DJs under the moniker DJ Bum Butter, has the potential to go all the way to the top of the DJ Mag Top 100. “It’s also better at mixing, has more personality and smells better than the world’s highest paid DJ.”
The similarities between the giant lump of shit and Calvin Harris, pictured with pop producer and chorophobia suffered David Guetta, don’t end there, claims the source, who insists that the lump of human shit has a celebrity girlfriend (Jersey Shore’s Snooki is rumoured to be involved with him), a massive ego and is a big lump of shit who talks shit.
DJ Bum Butter was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press but he is believed to be enjoying the attention and the comparisons to Calvin Harris with one friend telling Wunderground “he literally came from the shit filled gutter so to be compared to someone as big a shit as Calvin Harris is a big deal, like finding out that you’ve won the lottery or that the tumour is benign.”
