Scottish EDM rich list member Calvin Harris has been rushed to hospital today amid concerns from doctors that his neck is no longer capable of supporting the weight of his head, thought to be oversized as a result of his massive ego.
The famously arrogant pop singer has reportedly been caught letting both fame, and now money – after earning £34 million this year, go to his head resulting in what doctors have been calling “a massive headed Peter Dinklage situation”.
“Basically we’ve brought Calvin in because if his head continues to increase in size then his neck will no longer be able to support that kind of weight as it’s already struggling to deal with Calvin’s current massive head size brought on by his inflated ego and sense of self importance,” claimed a doctor at University College Hospital. “If it gets any bigger he won’t be able to lift his head to play gigs or count money.”
Reports also insist that the swollen head means that the EDM producer is having difficulty walking through doors, getting in and out of cars, and displaying humility.
“It’s basically like wearing ten Deadmau5 mouse heads all day every day, his neck is going to just be eroded to dust eventually,” added the doctor.
They may have to shave some bone off the side of his head to shed some weight from the head but doctors are leaning towards installing a series of titanium steel girders around the singers neck which would support his head and any crowns or baubles he may decide to wear in the future.
“We’ve had to perform similar surgeries on Johnny Borell and Liam Gallgher in the past,” concluded the doctor who says that the girders are only a temporary measure owing to the fact that the EDM bubble will burst some time next year which he believes will “cause a massive shrinking of Calvin’s head as a result of his irrelevance to the dance music scene outside of EDM”.
