Hipsters across Britain are now using Morse Code to communicate with one another, according to the latest research carried out by British Telecom.
Matt Barnett, an antiques dealer from London, claims the nation’s antique shops are almost completely sold out of straight keys, the switching device used to transmit the code, since the hipster Morse Code revival.
“There’s hardly any straight keys left at all,” claimed Mr. Barnett. “This time last year I had a whole box full of them and now I’ve got none. Last year big old Nokias, like the 3210, were the craze and now this. What’ll be next?” he asked. “They’ll be sending letters and using messenger pigeons,” he answered umprompted in response to his own question.
Hipster Jordan Blyth says he is “over the moon” with his new Morse Code device, claiming that it’s “really cool because not many people are using them” and the only downside to it is that “you can’t really contact many people because not many people are using them”.
Jordan also claimed that he doesn’t stick to the traditional method of using dots and dashes to make up his comments, “I don’t do it mate. It’s way too mainstream Morse Code for me. I use a sound that’s slightly longer than a dot and slightly shorter than a dash. I called it a dosh,” he explained proudly. “It sounds like a sample from a track I’ve been listening to a lot lately, you definitely won’t have heard it yet.”
“It totally makes me stand out from the crowd. The only problem is no one can really understand what I’m trying to say,” he continued, “although seen as most of what I say is pretentious bullshit that I make up it doesn’t really make any difference.”
British Telecom are said to be considering introducing a new “hipster friendly” bill pay option to accommodate the latest craze. The deal would see unlimited minutes replaced with unlimited chalk with a free iPad sized blackboard and all you can eat data replaced with all you can eat Spam.
