Pete Harrison, known to his 76 Facebook fans as ‘DJ Spinatune’, and as ‘Stingy Pete’ to his friends, has recently expressed surprise at his recent discovery that vinyl records and turntables do – contrary to previous insight – in fact exist.
“It was like being first told that Santa doesn’t exist or learning that I don’t have the biggest cock in my year group,” explained Pete, sweating profusely, clearly finding the concept challenging to grasp.
“My whole world has been turned upside down, I’m having to modify my whole outlook on the music industry. Until now I was under the impression that I was OG for using CDs on my CDJs rather than USBs like all these new kids do,” continued Pete sentimentally and with a touching air of nostalgia about him, “only to learn that vinyl, something I’d naturally assumed was a fantasy or a metaphor or something, does in fact exist.”
“And get this, not only in underprivileged parts of the world or anything but, shockingly, in England, right under our noses!” he added.
We went on to ask a few of Pete’s friends about their experiences with the discovery, as Pete sat down and asked for ‘a moment’. Tyler, who says he isn’t really into any form of dance music unless he’s ‘gummed enough dust to enjoy it’ claims that he’s never seen Pete so miserable and dejected.
“Usually we’re over at Pete’s drinking or revving Jamie’s Dad’s car in the driveway until one of us passes our driving test, but recently Pete’s been, even if not physically absent, mentally so,” said Tyler whilst lending a comforting hand to the young DJ.
“He’ll often be off on long countryside walks which he won’t let us come on, or sitting in his room in contemplation. When we do see him his mind is clearly elsewhere. We’ll be trying to ask him if he wants a drink or who to buy pills off for the weekend and he’ll not so much as turn his head.”
Unfortunately Jamie refused to be interviewed, suggesting at this point that it’d be best if we left, with the assurance that given time, Pete would make a full recovery and resume his DJ career. It is yet unknown whether Pete will continue using CDs or buy a pair of turntables.
