A young music producer from Eastern Mega Foal, a borough of Western Super Mare in England, has revealed to the world that he considers using music production suite, Fruity Loops, as one of his “5 a day”, that is, one of his five fruits and vegetables to be taken daily.
We met the malnourished young man for an interview earlier today so he could explain.
“I eat, sleep and live music production,” said the producer, who works under the name of Beat Down. “I’ve lost nearly two kilos on the Fruity Loops diet, which is basically a diet that consists of half-hourly cups of coffee and binge using VSTs.”
“I wake up first thing, go to my computer and use Fruity Loops for about twenty minutes,” he said so weakly it could barely be heard. “And that’s breakfast sorted…”
He continued, struggling to talk from exhaustion, “Then I have about four or five cups of coffee, which keeps me going until lunch. I sometimes have a little fibre powered broadband to help with digestion too.”
We asked him how the music was coming along, and Beat Down replied with nothing more than a meek whimper.
Nutritionists everywhere have claimed the diet is an unhealthy one, with Gillian McKeith stating that “Fruity Loops contain absolutely no vitamins or minerals whatsoever,” a statement which was so obvious that she was forced to admit to being more embarrassed by saying that, than by digging through people’s shit for a living.
The makers of Fruity Loops are now including a warning on each copy of the software which states that “Fruity Loops should be used as part of a healthy diet and lifestyle, and should not be considered one of you five-a-day.”
