A homeless DJ from Sacramento, California, has agreed to DJ back to back with Paris Hilton for a fee of a cup of coffee and a club sandwich.
The news comes just days after a number of high profile DJs, including Deadmau5 and Skrillex, joked about DJing with the hotel heiress for fees of $2 million and $5 million respectively.
“It’s always good to have guys like Deadmau5 and Skrillex talking about you,” claimed a member of Hilton’s vast PR team. “So we decided to flip the whole scenario and use it to our advantage by finding the DJ who would agree to play with Paris for the least amount of money.”
“Obviously Paris isn’t happy about DJing with a homeless person, she normally doesn’t go within a twenty meter radius of anyone who earns less than $75k a year,” continued the PR consultant, “but after lengthy negotiations we all agreed that DJing with a homeless person would really help Paris connect with a much larger audience, who would otherwise see her as a spoiled, stuck up, cretinous product of a corrupt capitalist system of which they’ll never be a part.”
“Obviously there are a few issues that have to be ironed out before Paris actually gets into a DJ booth with the guy,” explained the source. “He’ll have to bathe in a bathtub full of Paris’s latest fragrance, Dazzle, for at least twenty four hours in the days before the gig, he’ll have to have his facial hair groomed in accordance with hipster beard regulations, he’ll only be allowed to wear all white, pure silk pajamas and he won’t be allowed to look directly at or speak to Miss Hilton.”
“But apart from all that it’ll just be like any other back to back set you’ve ever seen.”
The homeless DJ in question, known locally as Rosco, is said to be devastated that he agreed to DJ with Hilton, indicating that he was “high as fuck” when the contractual agreement was reached and instantly regretted making the deal after the cocktail of drugs he was on had worn off.
“I can’t believe I’m going to have to DJ with that skinny skank,” growled Rosco. “I do love a club sandwich and I’ve stooped pretty low to get my hands on them in the past, I even sucked another man’s cock for a BLT once, but DJing with Paris Hilton for food is definitely the lowest point of my life. I have a certain amount of street cred and this is going to totally destroy it.”
“As a homeless guy with no equipment I don’t really have much of a chance of getting any DJing gigs,” admitted Rosco, “but at least I always had the dream of getting gigs, something to hope for, but now after DJing with Paris fucking Hilton I’ll have absolutely no hope of ever getting a gig whatsoever.”
Hilton’s back to back set with Rosco is set to be the highlight of a very exclusive New Year’s Eve party aimed at raising awareness about America’s rising homelessness problem, with all proceeds from the party going directly to Paris Hilton.
