It has emerged today that your boss likes to stand over your desk while you’re a hungover mess just for fun.
Despite having a wealth of work to do and no real reason to hover around you like an office-based Gestapo officer, your boss still manages to find time to sneak up on you as you aimlessly surf the internet regretting the previous nights excesses.
“I like to just float from desk to desk, not saying anything and making uncomfortable sustained eye contact with my employees to freak them out for a laugh,” explained pompous task master Brendan Thornhill, who runs a small design company. “If you haven’t tried it before then I recommend you do it if you want to see a slightly sweaty and awkward semi-alcoholic lose the run of him or herself.”
“Often my employees are actually just doing their work, admittedly sluggishly and while stinking of whiskey, but they still react as guiltily as if I’d just caught them watching porn or scrolling through Facebook.”
It was also revealed that your boss likes to engage you in important conversations and talk you through high pressure projects on a Monday morning knowing full well that you’re having a panic attack inside which is manifesting itself physically as mild shaking and an inability to look people in the eye.
“That’s one of my favourite parts of the job alongside the money, sexual harassment and two-hour lunches,” he concluded. “It’s not quite as much fun on Tuesdays when I like to quiz them on what tasks they were assigned on Mondays because they’re more lucid and less of a shaky pushover but it’s still nice for me to assert the minor power I have over another adult.”
