In what is being touted as the biggest fall from grace since Arnold Schwarzenegger swapped terminating for politics, American EDM corporation, SFX Entertainment, is now being held together by an intricate web of chewing gum and elastic bands.
SFX, who were once the biggest player in the North American EDM community, is believed to be on the verge of bankruptcy, which would explain the temporary nature of any repair work which has been carried out with chewing gum or elastic bands in the last year.
“The whole operation is basically just one great big, spearmint smelling, lump of rubber at the moment,” claimed janitor Billy Kenny. “I’m currently the most powerful man left in the company and that’s only because I eat a lot of chewing gum and have the key to the maintenance room cupboard where the elastic bands are kept.”
“There must be a half ton of chewing gum holding the marketing department together already,” continued Mr. Kenny. “If someone was to remove the wrong piece of gum or accidentally dislodge a rubber band the whole operation could come tumbling down.”
“It’s only a matter of time before it actually happens now anyway,” confirmed Mr. Kenny. “I seen Robert Sillerman, our CEO, scraping Steve Aoki cake off the bathroom floor last week just so he could have something sweet with his coffee. Once things like that start to happen you know there isn’t long left.”
It is widely believed that SFX Entertainment’s downward spiral began when the company announced a partnership with Afrojack, pictured above, late last year, with the Dutchman rumoured to be so stupid that even the world’s largest and most powerful companies are in danger off failure through mere association.
