Google have today announced that they have struck a massive fifty billion dollar deal with God which will see them purchase large unused areas of the eternal paradise to be used for cloud storage.
The announcement comes as a major relief for heaven, as the current financial climate has seen a large decrease in collection plate money, and will create up to two hundred administrative jobs in the region.
Michael Broome, a spokesperson for Google, spoke about the announcement, “We’re delighted to announce the deal with heaven, we’ve really been thinking outside the box recently and this deal shows our commitment to making Google a self sustainable and environmentally efficient corporation.”
“One of the main factors in our decision to go into business with heaven was our customer’s privacy,” explained Mr. Broome, “and with heaven being the only place in the universe where the CIA have no jurisdiction it was an obvious choice. It’s nice to see a multinational corporation going into business with heaven, rather than selling their soul to, or making a deal with, the devil for a change,” he added.
Heaven’s head of security, St. Peter, also spoke about the deal, “It’s great for us here in Heaven. We’ve been going through some tough times lately, it’s not the middle ages any more and after being exposed to One Direction and Justin Beiber people just aren’t as afraid of eternal suffering as they used to be. Our golden age is well and truly over and quite frankly we could do with the cash.”
“We’ve got a lot of empty space up here to be honest. Old JC thought it was going to be a really popular destination for people to spend eternity but it turns out that all the things he said people couldn’t if they wanted to come here were the fun things,” explained the angel. “Now we’re lucky to get twenty people through the gates a year, not even priests are getting in any more, so we may as well be using the space for something.”
God was believed to be in advanced talks with Apple about the cloud storage space late last year, however, a source from inside heaven has confirmed that the deal broke down because “that bitch Eve couldn’t keep her greedy nose out of it”.
