A shocking ninety percent of the world’s recording studios have been revealed as little more than “parents’ basements”, according to research carried out by Hotpress magazine.
The magazine also revealed that around eighty percent of “professional mastering” is carried out by people who “don’t have a clue what they’re doing”.
Magazine editor Piers O’Neill spoke to Wunderground, “We found that only about ten percent of the places where producers claim to be ‘working in the studio’ are actually professional recording studios, the other ninety percent are mostly found in the producer’s parents’ basements, although some were also in attics, garages and bedrooms.”
“We noticed that, apart from the musical elite, most record producers have very little disposable income,” explained Mr. O’Neill. “They spend most of what they have on new music, equipment and weed, which makes it very difficult for them to buy time in a studio or move out of their parents’ house.”
“Unfortunately, for the majority of producers, their music is shit and they’ll never reach the point where they can afford to move house or use a real studio, unless they give up their dream and get a real job,” continued O’Neill. “This usually happens midway through their forties, when they have a midlife crisis, sell their guitar and four track recorder and look for a job in telesales.”
“There are, however, some cases where people who make music in their parents’ basements beat the odds and create music that people actually want to hear,” claimed the editor. “These people are few and far between in an industry saturated with shit and are what are known as ‘talented musicians’, one comes along every once in a while and keeps the dream alive for all the other home studio technicians out there.”
Unconfirmed rumours that Steve Aoki was a “talented musician” who cut his musical teeth in a studio set up in his parents’ basement have been quashed after it was revealed that the entitled douche burger’s parents’ basement was actually a 200,000 square foot luxury studio, housing over $2 million dollars worth of recording equipment and a team of ghostwriters.
