An eight year old DJ from Dallas, Texas, has reportedly been forced to take cocaine by his father in an attempt to make him seem “more authentic”.
Elementary school student Dimitri Harte has been causing waves in the Dallas music community after a number of videos surfaced on YouTube highlighting the eight year old’s abilities on the decks.
According to Dimiti’s father, Chuck Hearte, his son is a “free ticket to the good life” and once the eight year old “starts to get some gigs” he’ll be able “put his feet up and relax”.
“Dimitri is a very talented young boy, and I intend to milk that talent for every god damn dollar I can,” claimed Chuck during an early morning chat with Wunderground. “I haven’t spent thousands of dollars on equipment and hundreds of hours forcing my son to use it for nothing. No suree. It was all a game plan to get me an easy life and now it’s closer than ever.”
“Once the little critter starts to get a few gigs and make some money I can finally start to get a return on my investment,” continued Mr. Hearte, who claims he wished his own father had been more aggressive when encouraging him to take up extracurricular activities. “He’s already got the skills but he has a bit of a squeaky clean, good little boy image at the moment and everyone knows the clubs are looking for bad boys so I’ve been looking at ways to improve his public persona.”
“First of all I’m insisting he does cocaine at least three or four times a week,” revealed Chuck. “I know he’s just a kid so instead of making him take the good stuff that I get, I’m making him go down to the local park and get the crappy stuff they sell on the street, you don’t know what’s in that stuff and the purity is far lower than what I get so at least he’s not going to get too hooked on it.”
“Secondly, I’m going to make him fuck as many groupies as possible,” continued the world’s second worst father, only losing out on the number one spot to Josef Fritzl. “I’ll be insisiting that he doesn’t call any of them after he fucks them and catching an STI and spreading it around a little certainly wouldn’t do him any harm, apart from to his health that is.”
“I’ll also be making him go off on anti-semitic, homophobic racist rants on Twitter at least once a week. With PR like that we should be rolling in dough soon enough.”
Child protection services in Dallas have claimed that Dimitri’s case “could be worse” and the child should “count himself lucky his father isn’t making him eat McDonalds and sit in front of a TV for hours every day”.
