A young man has recently shocked the world after emerging from an ecstasy induced coma with super powers.
Baz Farley, a young father from a small town in Durham, England, recently celebrated his twenty third birthday in style. “Well I wanted to go to Amsterdam for my birthday,” he told us. “Only a couple of the lads were game though, so I decided not to bother. Luckily, my best mate and partner in pills, Gaz, sorted a handful of the little fella’s out and took me to a rave!”
Carl, Baz’s friend, said; “They were good street biscuits, I only had a lick and my girlfriend said I looked like Flynn from Breaking Bad. Baz double dropped, I egged him on because it was his Birthday. Ten minutes later he was motor boating this fat bird whilst wanking with his underpants round his ankles on the dance floor. Then he passed out.”
A female eye witness at the rave said, “It was like he was possessed. He was just talking nonsense with his eyes in the back of his head. It was a good twenty minutes before he stood up again, but when he did it was glorious. Now, I don’t know if it was the ket I stuffed up my arse earlier, or the DMT I’d just piped, but he was the best dancer I’ve ever seen. He just started cutting shapes and everybody started cumming.”
Gaz, Baz’s best mate, was equally amazed, “I couldn’t believe it. He just stared at me and started doing the robot. Within five seconds my toes were curling and it felt like I had cracked an egg in the front of my boxer shorts. People watching him were held on the vinegar stroke and the air smelled like the seat in a sperm donation clinic. The DJ was mid mix when Baz started dancing. He’d just put his finger on the crossfader when he started twitching like someone put his cock in a mousetrap.”
Bertha, the girl Baz motor boated, told us, “His voice was silky, he whispered in my ear and my wet folds quivered. When he told me it was his birthday I just wiped my lipstick off ready to choke on his hog. Then out of nowhere he passed out, got back up, and then started dancing. I just vomited out of my fanny when I seen him dance. I was shaking like I had Parkinson’s and every time he moved I pissed my knickers!”
We caught up with Baz a few weeks after the event to see how his life has been affected, “It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me to be honest. I’m rich and I can do what I want. I’m a super human and it’s all thanks to my mate Gaz, and obviously the chemical compound residing in my body that reacted with the ecstasy, causing a fluctuation of hormones leading to a severe mutation within me. I personally feel like this is only the beginning. I have a stockpile of Orange Tesla’s now and I’m going to double drop until I can fly like a fucking dragon.”
