It has been revealed that a man wearing a t-shirt displaying the slogan “Eat Sleep Rave Repeat” has been found in bed before midnight for the third consecutive night of a lad’s holiday.
Twenty three year old Tommy Jackson, from Slough, Berkshire, has been in Ibiza for three nights with his friends Steve and John, but despite his pre-trip claims of being “a proper lad”, he has done nothing other than earn a reputation of being a “badly dressed, light weight prick”.
“He asked us if we fancied going to San Antonio while he applied for a few summer jobs,” said Steve. “He’s been giving it the biggen all year saying he’s going to do the season out here and convinced us to come with him so we can see what it’s all about. The idea was he’d demonstrate what a fun, friendly, outgoing guy he is in order to impress someone enough to give him a job in a bar, but all he has done is get smashed, cause trouble, throw up and go to bed early.”
Tommy, who lists “banter with the football lot” as an interest on his Tinder profile, is currently employed as a sales assistant in his local Urban Outfitters store and has admitted it will be hard to miss out on the forty per cent staff discount on clothes, but is prepared to do so if it means he can get fucked out of his head every night up the West End.
“He hates folding t-shirts but cannot get enough of the girls who go into the store,” laughed John. “He told us he would only ever leave his job if something much better came along, and I think the Ibiza sunshine, plus an opportunity to chat to semi-naked birds on a daily basis is a big factor in this career move. Sadly for him, he hasn’t exactly made a decent impression by coming out here, behaving like a prick and sleeping for twelve hours a day. All he has really done is show everyone he is not up to the task, although I have heard Lineker’ are willing to take him on as he fits their criteria perfectly.”
