UKIP leader Nigel Farage has today unveiled his party’s three year plan to turn the UK into a kip.
Farage, best known for his ratty face and cuntish behaviour, unveiled the plans to a group of gormless morons, also known as UKIP supporters, earlier today.
“The first, and most important, part of the plan was to turn the British population into racists,” explained Farage. “I’m not talking about the backarse shitholes, like Burnley and Doncaster, where we’ve already got a good racist contingent, I’m talking widespread racism, in proper towns, where people have jobs.”
“Now, thanks to Brexit, that’s been achieved and we can concentrate on our long term goal of turning the UK into a kip,” continued Farage, once likened to the white dog shit that you never see on the streets anymore. “We’ll be going for the beautifully British technique of divide and conquer, just like the glorious days days of the empire when Britain really was great. We’ve already done the dividing bit but I’m not really sure what to do next, I think we play conkers.”
“Once we’re finished the school yard games it’s all about cutting public funding as much as we want,” continued Farage, voted most likely to grow up to be serpent in his final year of school. “Now that we don’t have those pesky Europeans breathing down our necks it’ll be very easy. Who needs good roads, hospitals or schools when you can watch poor people suffering from the luxury of your mansion? Not me.”
“If people thought the last few years of austerity were bad wait until they see what the future has in store for them,” added the shitweasel. “There’s an old saying that goes ‘things will get worse before they get better’ well, that’s a load of bollox, things are going to get worse and continue getting worse until Britain is officially a kip. But hey, at least there’ll be less foreigners around.”
According to northern sources, some of the town and cities in northern England make the country Farage was describing sound like “paradise” and will actually improve under Farage’s three year plan.
