News emerging from the United States this morning suggests that the former King of Pop, Michael Jackson, was unfortunately “pulling a whitey” for twenty years before his death.
Doctor Nicholas Ramoray, of the Santa Barbara Medical Center, claimed that the singer had “tried pot in 1989” and was left with the “whitey from hell” which lasted until his death in 2009.
“There have been a lot of rumours circulating about Mr Jackson’s appearance and skin tone over the years,” explained Dr Ramoray earlier on today. “Some people think he had a condition called vitiligo, which causes the skin to whiten due to the loss of pigment, while others claimed that he was bleaching his skin.”
“But, the truth of the matter is far more simple than either of these theories,” continued the doctor. “Michael tried pot once back in 1989 and he took a really bad reaction to it and was left pulling a horrendous whitey for the rest of his life. He was obviously pretty embarrassed about the whole thing, he had an image to uphold and he didn’t want the news that he was taking drugs leaked to the media, his friends’ parents never would have let them sleep over if it had, so he kept the whole thing a secret, right up until the day he died.”
“Anyone who has ever smoked weed will know exactly how bad a whitey can be,” claimed Dr Ramoray. “Usually it can last for anywhere up to two hours but in Michael’s case it lasted for just over twenty years. Whiteys like that are unheard of in the medical industry and, as a health care professional, I’m pretty sure that something so extreme could easily cause bits of your nose and chin to fall off, which puts another myth, that Michael had extensive plastic surgery, to bed.”
According to unconfirmed reports, the weed which Mr Jackson is believed to have smoked back in 1989 was delivered to his Neverland Ranch by a flying pig and rolled into a spliff by the hoofs of a magical unicorn.
