Walking on ket is set to make its debut as a Paralympic event later this weekend.
According to event officials, the race, which will take place over forty meters, is set to begin at midday tomorrow and will last for “in and around four hours”.
While the participants will all be able bodied athletes, the Paralympics governing body, International Paralympics Committee or IPC, have confirmed that the effects of ketamine will put them on an “equal playing field” with all of the other athletes.
“Here at the IPC we are an equal opportunities association,” confirmed IPC president and convicted killer Oscar Pistorius. “Ket heads have been completely ostracised by the International Olympic Committee and we have decided to give them a platform to showcase their athletic abilities, by walking forty meters over the course of four hours.”
Speaking on an illegally obtained mobile phone from his prison cell, Pistorius continued, “It’s not like ketamine is a performance enhancer, if anything it’s the exact opposite so we really feel no need to punish these athletes for the habits. If anything I’d like to see recreational drugs have more of an influence on the sports world, whether that’s here with us at the Paralympics or in a more mainstream organisation, I can’t say but we will continue to push for it.”
According to prominent bookmaker Paddy Power, English DJ and ket athlete Richy Ahmed has been named favourite for the gold after being spotted walking twenty meters in a mere ninety minutes during a recent ketamine binge in Ibiza.
