The Norwegian Nobel Committee has today announced that the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize will be awarded to marijuana.
The news will come as no surprise to the millions of fans around the globe who have been banging on about her contribution to world peace for several generations.
“It’s about time that Mary Jane got the recognition she deserves,” said Dan Skye, editor-in-chief at High Times Magazine. “It’s indisputable that her contribution to peace has been greater than the Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela, and Gandhi combined.”
Marijuana narrowly claimed victory over long-term rivals ketamine and LSD. It is understood that the Nobel Committee agreed to try each of the contenders in order to reach their verdict. Unfortunately, this led to several of the judges being either incapacitated or too fixated on the octopi in the sky to cast their vote.
A Nobel spokesperson commented, “In retrospect, getting proper wonky before voting was probably a bad idea. Also somebody really fucked up the LSD dosing, confusing micrograms with milligrams. Absolute nightmare.”
In the wake of the news, Channel 4 has announced it will run a new series called Bake Off, to be shown every day at 4:20 p.m., which will feature minor celebrities competing head-to-head in a series of grueling physical and mental challenges, whilst really stoned.
Meanwhile the Nobel Committee has plans for this year’s Award Ceremony in Oslo. The special one-off event will feature marijuana smoke machines to hotbox the auditorium, hamburgers by White Castle, and exclusive performances from Damian Marley and Snoop Dogg.
Despite this announcement, and the obviously-failing strategy in the so-called ‘war on drugs’, there has of yet been no comment from either the US or UK governments with regards to updating their draconian drug laws.
