According to the latest rumours, a brand new contestant, in the form of a fifty-five gallon barrel of raw sewage, is to be introduced to Love Island later this week.
Inside sources have confirmed “a major shake-up” is set to shock viewers and a recent flurry of activity in the region’s sewage industry suggests that at least one barrel could be set to enter the house.
“Sewage really does make great TV,” claimed the half of Ant and Dec with a big forehead. “People have been getting slightly bored of Love Island the last few days and a large shit injection is just what it needs to spice things up a bit. I can’t wait to see if the rumours are true.”
Experts are predicting a massive and sudden rise in viewer numbers for the show, recently described as the “tv equivalent of being diagnosed with a flesh-eating STI”.
“A large barrel of sewage is just what this show needs,” claimed critic Peter Steele. “So far it’s just shit heads, talking shit and doing shit challenges but there’s no actual shit. A good old barrel of sewage or two will really give the show a much more authentic feel.”
“Undoubtedly, a barrel of human excrement will be the most genuine and likable thing about Love Island,” continued Steele. “Up until now, there hasn’t really been anyone to support in the show, you kind of just pick the best of a bad bunch a cheer for them but now, with an actual barrel of sewage in the house, we’ll finally have something to get behind.”
Bookmakers Paddy Power have already named the barrel of sewage as the favourite to win this year’s Love Island.
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