Real Life

Bloke Probably Won’t Shut Up About Glasto For 3 Or 4 Months

A bloke who attended last month’s Glastonbury Festival has admitted that he probably won’t stop talking about it for three or four months.

Twenty three year old James Nolan, a forklift driver from Yorkshire, claims to have found his “spiritual home” and plans to return to Glastonbury every year for the rest of his life.

“It was so good mate, I still can’t believe it was real,” Nolan told Wunderground earlier. “Like, everything about the place was just magical. On the Wednesday night, before the festival had even started properly, I took two bags of mushrooms, four acids and half a gram of ket, it was such an enlightening and spiritual experience. I knew right then that I was born to be a Glasto.”

“After that, the rest of the weekend seemed like one big dream, I was just roaming around the country side, taking shit loads of drugs, without a care in the world,” he continued. “I wasn’t even bothered when it ended, I’d had so much fun and I knew that once I get back I’d get to tell all of my friends, who didn’t go, about how good it was.”

“I don’t think I’ve really talked about anything else since,” revealed Nolan, known locally as a “bit of a twat”, “and, to be honest with you, I’m only really getting my memory back now, I’ve probably got another three or four good months of solid Glastonbury talk left in me.”

According to colleagues of Nolan, the constant Glastonbury chatter is already getting quite annoying.

“I’m sick of it already and I hardly ever talk to the daft little cunt,” explained warehouse foreman Charlie Smith. “I should have known that one trip down south would turn him into a little piss bag. If he keeps this up I’m gonna have to sack him, or at least cut his hours.”

Friends of Mr Nolan have confirmed that his Glastonbury chatter is a “welcome change” as the stuff he talked about before he went to the festival was “all bollocks anyway”.

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