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July 2, 2018
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Party Officially Confirmed Shit After Someone Puts iPhone Into Pint Glass

An afterparty was officially declared shit after someone put an iPhone in a pint glass in an effort to increase the volume of the phone’s speaker.

According to reports, people at the party were forced to listen to music through an iPhone after the apartment’s sound system stopped working.

“That party was fucking shit,” claimed one pissed off party goer. “I heard there was going to be decks and a full sound system. Was there fuck. When we arrived, there was some lad with a set of computer speakers and a poxy little controller, I can live with that but we’d only been there about an hour and the bloody speakers stopped working. Fucking disaster mate.”

“After a few phone calls had been made to try and source another set of speakers, someone decided to start playing music on their iPhone,” continued the witness. “I should have left there and then but the guy next to me had some really lovely coke and I was hoping he was going to give me some more of it, so I stuck around.”

“He didn’t, the greedy cunt, and eventually the party just got worse and worse,” he claimed. “At one point, someone actually tried to start a game of charades, that’s when I knew it was beyond the point of saving but it wasn’t until someone brought the pint glass out for the iPhone that I knew it was shit.”

“I may as well have been listening to music through a fucking pair of underpants, the sound was so fucking bad, I just picked my jacket up, grabbed my beers from the fridge, and a couple that weren’t mine, and left.”

Reports suggest that, after making his way home, our source was forced to listen to tunes through a set of broken headphones in an attempt to keep his buzz going and not wake his parents up.

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