The latest research has confirmed that the average person spends a total of five years scrolling through their phones looking for drug contacts throughout the course of their lifetime.
The research, carried out by some bloke at an afterparty while looking for drug contacts, also found that drug dealers phone numbers are often saved under aliases, that are practically impossible to remember in the early hours of the morning.
“When you think about it yeah, nearly every afterparty descends to a desperate search for drugs at some point,” revealed Milo, a total randomer. “Even if you’ve got drugs, someone is bound to be looking for drugs of their own or a different type of drugs or something and the search for drugs nearly always begins with a quick scan of your phone.”
“Most of the time you’ll have one or two go-to numbers but there are times when these won’t work and you’ll have to go deep into your contacts hoping that a number will jump out at you,” continued the insightful sesh gremlin. “I’ve often spent two, three, even four hours staring at my phone hoping to find a number, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it always happens.”
“I’ve worked it out in my head, with pretty solid maths, that if I continue at the rate I’ve been going for the first twenty-four years of my life, I’ll have spent approximately five years looking through my phone for drug contacts by the time my ticker packs in, and as I consider myself to be an average person, I reckon the rest of you probably will too.”
“The reason it takes me so long, is because I get random dealers’ numbers and save them under different names, like ‘Jonny C’ or ‘Fran’k’, it’s got to the point now where if I don’t recognise the name I just text them asking if they’ve got anything.”
“It backfired on me a couple of weeks ago when I thought I saw the name Dan and thought ‘I don’t know any Dans’ so I texted asking if they had any sniff and my Dad text me back asking what did I mean ‘sniff’. I had to make up some bullshit excuse about a cold that’s been doing the rounds, I think he bought it.”