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July 2, 2018
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Housing Crisis Killing Bedroom DJ Numbers

The latest statistics have confirmed that bedroom DJ numbers in London are at a twenty year low as a direct result of the city’s massively inflated rental market.

Marc Brewer, a housing expert, claims that “extortionately high rent” has led to a number of bedroom DJs either selling their equipment or being forced to live in properties that simply are not big enough for their needs.

“As recently as five years ago, everyone was a DJ,” Brewer told Wunderground. “That’s certainly not the case anymore, we are in the midst of a housing crisis and it seems that the DJs are the ones who are really suffering, at this rate, as little as seventy-five percent of London’s population will be DJs by the end of the year.”

“We haven’t seen bedroom DJ numbers this low since the late 90s,” continued Brewer. “And let’s face it, the late 90s were hardly the golden era of dance music. Back then, you’d be more likely to find a bedroom Damon Albarn or a bedroom Liam Gallagher than you would be to find a bedroom DJ. We can’t let things slip back to where they were in the past.”

Alan Bennett, formerly known as DJ Ali B, also spoke to Wunderground, “I was a bedroom DJ up until about six months ago but I had to give it up, my bedroom just isn’t big enough to DJ in anymore.”

“I was living with my parents, it was great, I had a massive room with plenty of space for all of my equipment,” he told us. “Then one day my mum came home and said ‘Alan,you’re nearly forty-two, it’s time for you to move out’ and my whole world started to fall apart.”

“Now, I’m stuck living in a tiny little studio apartment in Peckham, it’s so small that I cook, watch TV and piss from the exact same place so there was no chance of setting my gear up here. I had it in storage but I was forced to sell it to pay my bills. I never actually knew you had to pay for gas or electricity before. What’s that all about?”

“At first, I used to try opening two different tabs on my laptop and attempt to mix two different tracks on YouTube but it just brings back some really painful memories so I don’t even do that anymore. I’m no longer a DJ and that’s just how it is.”

According to experts, while bedroom DJ numbers are dwindling, cardboard box DJ numbers are on the rise, a statistic that is directly related to the increasing number of homeless people now living of nation’s streets.

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