A British psytrance fan has claimed that he is “not one bit worried” about losing his job after Brexit because he would have to have a job to be able to lose it.
Alan Montgomery, who has been successfully unemployed since first hearing psytrance at the age of fourteen, revealed that Brexit is at the very bottom of the list of things he worries about.
“I’ve never bought into any of this Brexit nonsense,” admitted Montgomery, who appeared to have never really bought into anything. “Jobs, currency health care, immigration, none of those things affect my everyday life at all so why would I give a fiddler’s about any of them? As far as I’m concerned, Brexit is all one big storm in a teacup.”
“I mean what even is Brexit?” he asked. “It should be called the British exit, not the Brexit, you can’t just go around chopping up normal words and joining them together to make up a new word and expect to be taken seriously. It’s stupid carry on. You’d never find something like that happening in the psytrance community.”
“To be honest with you, I don’t even consider myself a British citizen, I’ve never even owned a passport or anything,” continued Montgomery, who gave off a strange turnip like aroma. “I’m not planning on getting one anytime soon either, regardless of this whole Brexit shit. I mean, who has £85 to spend on a passport? I could buy almost six months worth of rolling tobacco with that.”
“A foreigner actually came over here and took my job years ago and I’m perfectly alright with that,” added the psytrance fan. “I don’t want it back, they can keep it, I’ve been getting on just fine without it up until now and I don’t see any point in changing things at this point in my life.”
“You know the saying, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ well that kind of applies to me here,” he continued. “I might not be an old dog, but I definitely smell like one, so there’s no way that I’m going to be learning any new tricks. Fuck that.”
