The Vatican City today announced plans for the first ever music festival to be held within the walls of The Holy City. The festival will be called The Promised Land and will take place on the 28th and 29th of September this year.
The Vatican has not given away any information on who will headline the festival but the statement did say that it will be an EDM event and only artists who are confirmed members of the Catholic Church will be considered.
The announcement comes as no shock with recently chosen Pope Francis I an avid EDM fan. In an interview given earlier this year he said. ‘It was the early 90s in Buenos Aries and I was having a bit of a mid life crises. I began to question my faith and exploring other methods of worship. Curiosity brought me to a nightclub called Bailar Con El Diablo (Dance With The Devil) and I’ve been hooked on EDM ever since.’
‘I found it so liberating to loose my inhibitions on the dance floor, reaching for the lasers with all those young men. I felt a pure euphoric experience and it brought me closer to God than ever before. Now I like nothing better than to praising God by turning on the Function 1 sound system in St. Peter’s Basilica and banging out Josh Wink’s, Higher State of Consciousness or Faithless’, God is a DJ.’
The festival will host two main arenas, Pope’s Playground will be located in St. Peter’s Square and Cardinal City will be found in the Gardens of Vatican City. It is unclear how many tickets will be available but we do know that they will be free and awarded by a lottery system. They are only available to heterosexual confirmed member of the church, who can register for them with their parish priest.
Pope Francis I responded to questions regarding the Cardinals’ reactions to the announcement of the festival by saying, ‘Why would I care what they thought? This is the Vatican, not some silly little democracy.’
He also touched on the possible presence of drugs at the festival with, ‘We will be running a strictly no drugs policy at The Promised Land. We will however be selling some special communion wafers for €10 each, they will help people reach a new level of enlightenment and bring them closer to God.’
Do you think the Catholic Church has lost the plot or do you think it is exactly what is needed to restore faith amongst the young people of the world? Why not let us know in our comments section below….
I know it’s satire, but why could I see Pope Francis actually being VERY cool about something like this? 🙂 Nuns fist pumping their habits sitting on top of shoulders of actual brothers!
Pass me that wafer! AMEN!!!