British PM David Cameron Admits “Some Of My Closest Friends Are Garage DJs”

British Prime Minister, David Cameron, made a series of shocking admissions in a recent interview with affluent monthly publication, Posh Twat Magazine, which claimed that the politician was a big fan of dance music with a history of “getting royally jolly on bang hard street drugs.”

Cameron claimed to have been a lifelong dance music fan, “I’ve always been into the dancing music ever since my Eton days. We’d listen to all the big dancing music stars like The Happy Monkeys and New Border,” chimed the PM, manfully mispronouncing the names of bands he has never heard of. “We’d pack some good boys into my dorm room and play the records on one of those sets of two gramophones just like those black men in America with the tracksuits and big gold chains around their necks. Those were the days.”

Cameron went on to claim that, like his personal hero Bill Clinton, he had a history of drug taking at university. “Oh yes, we smoked marijuana. Myself and Boris Johnson used to smoke it with tobacco like a cigarette and then eat buckets of fois gras and caviar when we got the munchers.”

“Some of the other boys, Boris in particular, were into the harder stuff,” asserted Cameron. “Boris was always taking ecstacy tabs. Sometimes as many as three quarters of a tab in a single fortnight. I never tried ecstasy even though I was big into the clubbing scene. I did however love cocaine,” claimed the PM. “As it was two of my favourite things rolled into one. White, and expensive.”

“I loved all kinds of electronic music, from trip-hip-hop to techno,” Cameron, pictured drinking stout in a bid to seem more relateable to alcoholics, told the magazine. “Boris, who is a bit more ‘with it’ than me, used to call me DJ Shadow Chancellor because of my love for music. I never did understand the reference though myself.”

Cameron claimed that he decided to make the admission about his musical and social tastes in response to doubts raised about his involvement in a mix tape he earlier this year presented to world leaders which was supposedly a representation of all the best British music that he has enjoyed that year. “People were extremely skeptical that I liked, or even heard of Rudimental,” said Cameron. “They thought I was just a plastic faced slimeball who would say anything to appear less like a flesh robot and more like an actual human man. But that’s simply not the case. Some of my closest friends are garage DJs.”

“It’s annoying that I can’t get dressed up and go clubbing with all of the plebeians,” bemoaned the Prime Minister. “People will think that it’s just some kind of ploy to win voters or they might just criticise me to my face about all the bad decisions I’ve made that favour richer, better, people than them. They might offer to buy me a drink but then piss in it while I’m not looking. I’m the PM, for God’s sake, I shouldn’t have to drink piss.”

Cameron made the series of bizarre claims about his social habits in what the opposition are criticising as “a shameless exercise by the PM to appear more appealing to a younger demographic of core voters who are, in his eyes, nothing but shameless, drug-addled dance music fans who spend Thursday to Sunday in dimly lit nightclubs with an assortment of mind altering chemicals in their nostrils,” claimed David Milliband.