Recent rumours that Lady Gaga is set to unveil her new album in Berlin’s famous Berghain nightclub appear to be wrong. Reports today are suggesting that instead of an album launch the Poker Face singer will in fact be revealing her long rumoured penis to the world.
A source close to Lady Gaga spoke of the impending Berghain appearance, “We’re not sure where the leaked story about an album launch came from but the truth is that Lady Gaga is not releasing an album, she’s releasing a penis from her pants. I guess somebody seen a booking from a company associated with Lady Gaga and put two and two together and came away with five.”
“Really it’s much bigger, not literally it’s actually a little on the small side, than an album. I mean it’s hardly the best kept secret in the world but for Lady Gaga to come out and show the world her penis is a pretty big deal,” continued the anonymous source. “It’s not everyday that one of the world’s biggest pop stars reveals that they are actually a shemale. Cher, for instance, has never done it.”
“It’s going to be a really big event. We’re taking over the entire bottom floor of Berghain. I’ve never been but Lady Gaga always speaks about the time she went there when she was young and impressionable. I think she takes a lot of her confidence from that particular experience,” she continued. “I have heard it’s the type of place where anything goes except ironically enough pop music. But I’m sure we’ll be able to make it a show that everyone will remember for the rest of their weekend,” she explained. “We have some really big names from the world of transgender and transvestite pop like Chris De Burgh and the bloke from Right Said Fred. Plus, and I don’t want to give anything away but you better bring a spare T-shirt because there is probably going to be some cake flying around,” she said cryptically.
“We’re really excited about the whole event and really hope that with the choice of venue that it opens some doors into the EDM scene for Lady Gaga. The fashion icon is desperate to keep her sound fresh by recreating a cheap and camp version of what everyone else is doing,” she explained. “A couple of years ago she probably would have just worn a dress made from the processed meat of a panda to get this kind of attention but she really feels that she’s at a point in her career, and her journey as a woman, where she wants to show the world her own meat, not a panda’s.”
In a recently published Forbes list, Lady Gaga, pictured above during her rebellious greaser years, had her penis named as the most pampered prick in pop, knocking David Guetta off the top spot after he lost his L’oreal contract.
