Armin van Buuren’s recently released MX-1 DJ Mixer has been recalled by Philips on safety grounds.
The Dutch DJ collaborated with the electronics giant to release the DJ controller earlier this year. The gimmicky nature of the MX-1 has proved popular amongst idiots, with sales rising to over twenty five thousand units in North America alone.
The recall was announced after an incident at a party in Chicago, Illinois, where an MX-1 inadvertently opened a portal to another dimension. Party goer, Phil Stubbs (19), explained the paranormal incident, “It was totally crazy! Me and my bro’s were just getting down, listening to some really sweet EDM and next of all this really crazy lightning shit started happening to hommie’s EDM machine,” he explained.
“At first we thought it was some sort of light effect from the mixer so naturally we started high fiving and chest bumping but then there was a bright flash and a big fucking black hole appeared in the middle of the room,” he recounted. “We were all just staring at it, totally in shock, and then some sort of weird demon came flying out. It seemed to react to the totally awesome Avicii mash-up we were listening too and then it……it raped all of our ear-holes,” continued the traumatised teen.
“It went on for hours, nobody’s ears were spared,” he said with a look of utter despair. “It only stopped when the batteries ran out, the portal shut and the demon was sucked back into his own dimension. The room was trashed and we were all left with thick, gooey, EDM demon jizz in our ears. I really don’t know if I’ll ever be able to listen to EDM again, even though it totally freaking rocks,” he spluttered with a quiver of his lip.
Although the victims of the paranormal assault were left in an extremely traumatised state, no one was physically injured, apart from one man who perforated an ear drum while trying to scrub the demon’s semen from his ear with a wire brush. He is said to be in a stable condition but continuously showering in his clothes.
Philips released this statement earlier today, “We are sorry to announce the total recall of our MX-1 DJ Mixer. We advise customers to return their unit to their nearest Philips outlet as soon as possible. If your MX-1 opens a portal to another dimension do not enter the dimension or interact with any beings who may appear from it.”
