A young office worker is reportedly “ecstatic” about the new floor plan in his office because it allows him to brag loudly about how “amazing” his hectic social life is.
“It’s great,” enthused Andy Jenkins, who also DJ’s part time in a local bedroom. “When we had cubicles it was a real drag because I couldn’t engage people from my desk. I’d have to pretend to go to the toilet in the hope of catching the eye of a co-worker who I could then regale with tales of my audacious partying lifestyle. Sometimes it’d be hard to get their attention because they’d be hard at work staring into their computer. But I found that if I breathed heavily and invaded their personal space then they’d always give me rapt attention.”
Andy continued by saying that he was delighted that his position as the office ‘party guy’ is now secure thanks to the sociable nature of the new floor plan. “It used to be hard to get my ‘Look-at-me-I’m-cool’ message out to the whole office. They probably wouldn’t have even known that I was backstage for a David Guetta show or that I raged hard all summer in Ibiza with the old layout, in spite of my numerous emails. But now, thanks to the open floor plan, I can just tell whoever walks by or falls into my eye line all about my amazing life.”
Andy claimed that it’s changed his life forever and that he’ll no longer have to wear shades to the office on a Monday to subtly indicate to people that he’d “had a rager,” and that days spent loitering by the water cooler waiting for the chance to redirect the conversation to being about him and “the wild weekend” he had, are over.
“I mean sure, I’ll still groan loudly at my desk until someone asks me if I’m OK so that I can fill their head with mindless nonsense about clubbing and EDM but now I won’t have to be tactless and obvious about wanting to talk about myself incessantly.”
