U.S. performance artist, and owner of the world’s largest collection of rubber dinghies, Steve Aoki, has today announced that in 2014 he plans to astound his moronic fans with his most amazing stunt yet, launching himself out of a cannon.
The stage performer has claimed that he “has pushed DJing as far as it can go. Into strange places involving no actual DJing, some trampolining and a lot of cake tossing.”
“This seemed like the next logical step,” continued Steve. “When you’ve honed your stagecraft as much as I have you’ve got to keep progressing. If you stand still you’ll fall over. That’s why I need to go bigger with the onstage antics. They’re like my calling card. If you got rid of all the gaudy horseplay and just had me at the mixer then I wouldn’t be the DJ I am today.”
Mr. Aoki, pictured “DJing” above, claimed that he got the idea from reading Youtube comments that appeared underneath some of his videos. “Yeah this idea came straight from the fans,” said Mr. Aoki. “They’d be typing ‘Steve you should totally just shoot yourself’ into the comment section and I’m no idiot, I know what they mean, they want me to shoot myself…out of a cannon.”
“I don’t want to give too much away about the show because people will have to pay the $200 cover charge to come see it,” laughed Steve. “But let’s just say I’ll be wearing a flesh-coloured, skintight, latex body suit with a white helmet and a creamy white item in one hand. I’ll let your imagination do the rest.”
Responding to criticism of the stunt, Steve insisted that “this is where dance music is heading. It’s not like dance music is about an anonymous guy using music to speak to people and get a party started. The spotlight needs to be on the DJ and what crazy stuff he’s doing, not the music. That’s the future and with this stunt I’m literally diving head first right into it.”
“And those people who are saying that I’m only doing this to hide the shallowness of my DJing don’t know what they’re talking,” he concluded. “My sets are always composed of iPod playlists that I half picked myself.”
